Today was one of the hardest days mentally and emotionally for me as I had to make the decision of whether or not to accompany James to his 11th round of chemo. I am officially 36 weeks pregnant and some change, and for those of you that have been walking through this with us you know that pregnancy has been extremely physically challenging for me. The last time we went to chemo a couple weeks ago I almost didn’t make it sitting in the visitor chair for six hours. Lots of walking down the halls just to find some sort of relief. Instead of being able to take care of my husband that night after his roughest day at chemo so far (anticipatory nausea finally got the better of him), he was up with me as I cried for hours in pain.
Since I am of no good to James when I end up in that state, we decided it would be best for everyone (baby included) for me to stay home today and let my dad take him to chemo. I’m so thankful that my daddy is able to be there for him and I know he is in the BEST care.
It may be a bit of a pride thing, but I haven’t been able to offer as much as I wish I could to James during his treatments but the one thing I knew I could give him was my time and my company. Both of which today I couldn’t give. Now mind you, James spends the entire time of chemotherapy asleep once they start his medications, but there’s still something about just being there with him.
Round 11 was today. 11 down, 1 to go.
Those words are so surreal to me. We have one round of chemotherapy left. And in Jesus Name it will be his last round of chemotherapy FOREVER.
It’s a weird feeling. I’m actually finding myself a bit nervous about the future. Not that chemotherapy hasn’t been anything less of a version of hell on earth, it is something that we have come to predict and know. So after the next round we will be in the waiting period.
He will get about a month off from treatments (just in time for our baby girl to arrive) and then he will have a follow up PET scan to see if the chemotherapy has gotten rid of all the cancer. I honestly can’t remember what my last update was, but the last PET scan showed that he still had a bit of cancer cells in the tumor in his chest. So that is why he must do radiation as well. March should be when radiation starts and we will meet with a Radiation Oncologist at the end of February to decide what that will look like.
As for now, things are in serious baby-mode/getting ready for the end of chemo. We can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.
James has been so amazing through all of this. He truly is the strongest person I know. Not to mention so incredibly optimistic. We have taken turns carrying each other through this and he has thrown everything he can into gearing up for our little girl. He’s been able to put together every piece of furniture, wash clothes, hang pictures and shelves, go to all my doctors appointments with me, and even put me back together again when the pregnancy pains rear their ugly head!
We’ve got lots of plans ready in case I go into labor during a chemo week (aka this week or in two weeks)… but we are praying she comes on an “off” week when he is feeling good and not incredibly nauseous or fatigued. I want him to be able to fully enjoy her arrival!
Thanks again for all your love and support. We are getting so close. Maybe by my next update we will have our little girl in our arms!!!!!!
Love you all,
“But forget all that—
it is nothing compared to what I am going to do.
For I am about to do something new.
See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?
I will make a pathway through the wilderness.
I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.